The New Intimacy is based on who you are now. You are no longer the self- doubting young woman who would have rejected the “right guy” had she met him earlier. You are no longer the working woman forced to make hard choices. You are no more the harassed parent who didn’t have time to stop and think. Your circumstances have changed; your choices have changed; you have changed.

Back in your twenties and thirties you wouldn’t have been able to call upon the qualities that now enrich your midlife relationships. As one recently divorced woman of forty- five explained when I told her what I was writing about, it took the rupture of her marriage to begin to see herself as a person, “rather than part of a couple.” She feels she has become more realistic, though she is no less ecstatic. “Knowing myself better has enabled me to make better choices, to know what I want or need and to ask for it, but also to know when either of us is asking too much.”

It is about risk taking. With accumulated confidence from your first adulthood, you are now able to let go of the notion of controlling things and take the chance of failure or the unexpected. You can venture beyond your comfort zone. You can explore the possibilities off ered by a technology that is transforming the way we share our secrets, make ourselves vulnerable, and express our desires.

It is about finding, not losing, yourself in a relationship. That may explain why for most of the women I talked to, having the confidence to set their own terms made formore, not less, sharing. Why long- standing couples are staying married because they are finding new resources for staying engaged. And why some women are even reveling in the absence of formal attachments. Even when caregiving becomes a priority, it can still be of the doing- unto- yourself variety if you keep yourself in the picture.

It is about second chances. A review of your relationships—including family, friends, children, as well as lovers— is an opportunity for achieving more authenticity and clarity— and shedding resentment and disappointment. As a single forty eight-year- old woman who likes things just the way they are put it, “I am in a relationship that doesn’t ‘need’ but ‘wants’—a relationship of mutual respect,” adding with disbelief and wonder, “Who’d ’a thunk it.”

And it is about letting go— of inhibitions, leftover “baggage” from past relationships, unrealistic expectations. And about reevaluating old priorities— children, habits, relatives, hobbies— and incorporating what still matters into the life you are building. Even in the most intimate relationships, there is much to let go of. “There may be things you want to share and it’s just not a possibility,” says Beth, a divorced fifty- year- old lawyer who feels that her current expectations are more in keeping with the limitations on sharing between two self- defined individuals. “He has his priorities, I have mine; so you have to figure out how to balance them.”

It is about the glass half full. The New Intimacy begins with acceptance— of who you are, how you look, and your worthiness to be loved. And the limitations of time. “Both sadness and happiness, but sadness more, are related to the fact that nothing of all this will endure for long,” writes Carolyn Heilbrun. She goes on to describe an experience “unique to one’s later years, of a swift, mysterious wave of happiness. . . . I cannot remember a time before my sixties, when the consciousness of happiness would sweep over me and, like a shower of cold water when one is desperately overheated, offer me a passing sensation very close to glee.” Glee!

Finally it is about finding a “peaceful place” where the conflicts between past and present, love and work, who you are and who you thought you should be, are reconciled. Long- term marriages become less fraught and “bad boys” lose their appeal. Solitude becomes more comfortable. It is where the self- awareness and sense of mastery that we have achieved are directed at shaping a good life. And it is where the New Intimacy is celebrated.

The bottom line is that we are not too old to love in countless fulfilling and joyous ways, precisely because we are just old enough to know what love is— and what it is not. We have shed the notion that love is a gift from the gods, but accept with gratitude and a freewheeling de light the gifts each relationship brings.

About the Author.

Suzanne Braun Levine is a nationally recognized authority on women and familyissues and media. She was the first editor of Ms. magazine and the first female editor of the Columbia Journalism Review. She produced the Peabody Award-winning documentary She’s Nobody’s Baby: American Women in the Twentieth Century. She writes and blogs regularly on Huffpost 50, Feisty Side of Fifty, The Transition Network, The Third Age, Vibrant Nation, SheWrites and other popular sites for women, and is a contributing editor toMore magazine. She is on the Board of Civic Ventures, a nonprofit think tank on boomers, work and social purpose.  She is the author of Inventing the Rest of Our Lives: Women in Second Adulthood and Fifty Is the New Fifty: Ten Life Lessons for Women in Second Adulthood. A lecturer and advisor to several women’s organizations dealing with midlife issues, she has appeared on Oprah, Charlie Rose, Today, NPR and numerous other television and radio programs. Learn more at  www.suzannebraunlevine.com

Reprinted by arrangement with Viking, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc., from How We Love Now by Suzanne Braun Levine. Copyright © 2011 by Suzanne Braun Levine.

SAVE THE DATE!

The Central Ohio Chapter of The Transition Network is pleased to host:

Suzanne Braun Levine, Author & Lecturer: Reinventing Intimacy After 50

Wednesday, April 4 at 7:00 PM

First Unitarian Universalist Church in Clintonville

93 W. Weisheimer Rd. Columbus, OH.

Doors open at 6:30 PM

The program is open to the general public

Tickets are $20 and available by reservation at:

www.TheTranstionNetwork.org under the Central Ohio Chapter Events

or

$25 admission at the door-cash & checks only

Presented by OhioHealth/Elizabeth Blackwell Center

Your ring is sparkling and the word is out. You’re engaged and everyone wants to know one thing: When is the ceremony? While you may have to get back with them on the exact date of the Big Day, there’s another special day for you and your main squeeze to consider as you make plans – the engagement party.

Not every couple decides to host one, but engagement parties are a fun option for duos looking to celebrate before saying “I do”. While it’s a fantastic way for the bride and groom’s families to meet and spend time together before the wedding, engagement gatherings are a great way to build excitement and give a sneak peak to your wedding day too.

So if you see an engagement party in your future, how will you celebrate? Do you want to party like a rock star or host an elegant, low-key dinner with friends and family? Party planning guru Jes Gordon says before you starting touring venues and scanning the shelves for the cutest invitations you have to ask yourself one question: Why do I want to do this?

“Parties take time and effort – not just for you but for your guests too,” Jes wrote in her book, Party Like a Rock Star. “Good reasons for getting together will not only make it worth your time but your guests’ time as well.”

Even before asking “Why?” Distinct Event Planning advises brides and grooms to consider “How?” It’s so easy for wedding budgets to turn into runaway budgets, when couples don’t map out all of their expected expenses or when excitement pulls them away from the financial game plan they created.

If you crunch the numbers and find that your engagement party is a-go, consult with a professional party planner to help turn your ideas into reality and maximize your money. It’s easy to image amazing color schemes, music, and the perfect food and venue, but pulling all the pieces together and assessing your options is better left to the experts, especially if you plan to host a large or extravagant gathering.

A professional party planner will work with you to come up with a party concept based on your style as a couple – whether it’s “red carpet fabulous,” or “backyard casual.” Then select a venue, menu, music, decorations and the other details to make your day shine.

Planning the event yourself is also always an option too. Before you begin just be sure to map out all you need to do and when it needs to be done, down to the smallest detail. Ask knowledgeable friends to review your to-do list to make sure you’re not leaving anything out. Then consider your other time commitments and who’s actually going to roll up their sleeves with you. Party planning done right is serious business so choose wisely!

No matter what you decide, an engagement party is a fabulous event to look forward to!  Happy Planning!

Lucretia Williams is the owner and lead consultant of Distinct Event Planning, LLC. Their mission is to ensure that they offer you the best and most professional wedding and special event planning services. Lucretia can be contacted at (614) 577-1844, info@DistinctEventPlanning.com or visit her at www.DistinctEventPlanning.com.

Katie Smith, WNBA player for the Seattle Storm, is featured in the new edition of The Women's Book.  She's a three-time Olympic Gold Medalist and the all-time leading scorer in women’s professional basketball history (ABL and WNBA).

Smith is quick to acknowledge that confidence has played a huge role in her career.

She says, “As a professional basketball player, every single day you are critiqued by coaches, teammates and sometimes even the media. You must bounce back after a poor performance almost like it never happened,” she says. “Investing in hard work and preparation breeds confidence in your abilities, and you know you are ready for any challenge.”

View Katie's player profile for the Seattle Storm. 

Join us for the release of new edition of The Women's Book to get your copy of the new book, hear an engaging panel discussion, and connect with our profiled women leaders and local resources for women.

Our theme: Confidence: Getting It. Keeping It. Passing It On.

Columbus Release - September 29, 6:00 to 8:30 p.m., Aladdin Shrine

Cincinnati Release - October 19, 6:00 to 8:30 p.m., The Elements Conference & Event Center  

The new edition of The Women's Book is all about Confidence: Getting It, Keeping It and Passing It On. Perhaps nowhere is this more applicable than in the classroom where teachers pass on knowledge to their students daily. Fortunately, we have been blessed with a number of women who have blazed the education trail. 

 This year's book spotlights four trailblazers in the field of education from the Central Ohio area community (pictured left to right):

- Lee Hall, Retired Columbus City Schools Educator and Education Consultant

- Donna Evans, Ph.D., Dean and Professor Emeritus, College of Education, The Ohio State University

- Barbara Yarborough, Teacher, Columbus Africentric School

- M. Valeriana Moeller, Past President, Columbus State Community College

Join us for the release of 2011-2012 Edition of The Women's Book in Columbus on September 29, 2011 presented by Nationwide Insurance and The Ohio State University Medical Center.

Want to join us in Cincinnati? Register for our Cincinnati Release on October 19, 2011. 

Read More Confidence Boosters:

Christie Angel, Vice President, Sean Dunn and Associates - Engage in a Personal Pep Talk

Katie Smith, Basketball Player, WNBA Seattle Storm - Bouncing Back

Kieona Basden, Student, Columbus City Preparatory School for Girls - When You're At the End of Your Rope

On July 28, the Columbus Chapter of the National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO Columbus) will hold its annual Visionary Award Luncheon. Each year, the luncheon celebrates central Ohio woman business owners who have achieved success with their businesses while making notable contributions to their communities, their industries and to initiatives for other women in business. A small group of finalists are recognized during the luncheon with one receiving the prestigious award.

Learn more about the event and register here.

This year's finalists include:

• Christina Getachew, founder and CEO, Substance for Fashion Conscious People, LLC
• Zoe Guirlinger, founder and president, Ultimate U Total Health
• Tonya Stalnaker-Tiggett, principal / programs director, Speak Our Language, LLC

We have been spotlighting each finalist on our blog to give you a sneak peek into their inspiring stories.  This week's spotlight is on Tonya Stalnaker-Tiggett,

Tonya's firm, Speak Our Language, provides corporate and individual clients spanish language instruction through classroom and hands-on, non-traditional experiences to emmerse students in the Hispanic culture.  

Here is an excerpt from Tonya's bio:

When people ask me what it is I do for a living I tell them that I am an adult, five-foot version of Dora the Explorer; Not only am I born to talk and to teach, but I get to have fun in the classroom, while making it an adventure for everyone. Our company culture is this way too – live versions of Dora – people who love to teach language and who make it really fun for you, our client!

What is unique about me (and many members of our teaching staff) is that I am not a Latina, and yet fluent in Spanish. I am passionate, energetic and have a true devotion to teaching and learning. So if I can learn to speak Spanish like Dora, Diego, and Boots– so can you!

Where did my passion for language come from since no one in my family speaks it? I can thank the children’s TV show Sesame Street where I first made the connection that not only did the word “agua” mean “water,” but it was also a word that other people understood – how cool is that?! This opened up a whole new world for me and I became fascinated with people who did not look or sound like me from that point on.

Fast forward to The Ohio State University where I wisely gave up studying International Business in order to pursue a degree in Spanish Education and, where against all financial aid odds, I somehow managed to study and live in Toledo, Spain for 3 months. I was in heaven – the sights and the sounds truly fulfilled my dream at a young age to live in a foreign land. Several years later I was awarded a 3 month position to manage The Ohio State University study abroad program in Cuernavaca, Mexico while pursuing my Master’s degree in Spanish Peninsular Literature. The Cemánahuac School in Mexico transformed my vision of what a classroom could look, sound, and feel like – an adventure in learning every day! It was that environment that I wanted to replicate for students in the U.S. who want to learn another language locally.

Read more of her bio here.

Surely, Tonya is passionate about her business and helping her students develop a strong appreciation for not only other languages, but cultures.  Tonya is also engaged in her community through organizations like WELD (Women for Economic and Leadership Development) and Big Brothers, Big Sisters.

Please join us in congratulating Tonya on the success of her business and recognition from NAWBO Columbus!

TaKeysha Sheppard Cheney is the founder and publisher of The Women's Book that showcases women leaders and resources for women.

Meet Zoe Guirlinger, weight control specialist, licensed physical therapist, wellness coach and 2011 NAWBO Columbus Visionary Award Finalist.

Just step into her New Albany, Ohio facility, Ultimate U, and it’s not hard to understand why Zoe was selected as a finalist for NAWBO’s prestigious annual award.   On any given day, Zoe is juggling business development issues and working with clients while sharing how she overcame her own struggle with weight loss and related health issues.  It’s apparent that her team members are committed to the business and thrilled about the positive difference they are making.  There are also pictures of happy clients everywhere including “before and after” shots that should make anyone a true believer in the effectiveness of Ultimate U’s wide array of programs and services.

I had the pleasure of sitting down with Zoe earlier this year to learn more about her business and passion for helping others develop new ways of thinking about and developing healthy life styles.  Here’s a recap of her inspiring story:

“My journey started with a 23-year struggle with weight.  I failed at more diets than I care to remember, yet I kept getting heavier and more dysfunctional with food. My problems were complicated by pain and depression associated with fibromyalgia.

About ten years ago, I hit rock bottom. This time, instead of buying another diet book, I turned to the research to learn how real people lose weight and take permanent control of their health.

 I knew I had to share what I had learned with others.  I developed a comprehensive lifestyle change process, The Ultimate U Challenge, to help those who want to renew their bodies but are overwhelmed, just like I was.  In 2006, I decided to follow my dream and take The Ultimate U Challenge to the next level.  I joined forces with one of Ohio’s most sought-after personal trainers, my husband, Troy McGowan. Together, we realized our dream of opening a multi-disciplinary health and wellness center, Ultimate U Total Health, where we could offer our holistic approach to wellness in the right kind of supportive environment. To date, we have helped thousands transform their bodies, regain vitality and put the zest back in life.”

You can meet Zoe and the other 2011 NAWBO Columbus Visionary Award finalist by attending the award luncheon on July 28^th.  Learn more and register here.   

Take more of a sneak peek inside Zoe's incredible story and Ultimate U through the following pics:

Zoe "before" above and Zoe "after" below - wow!

TaKeysha Sheppard Cheney is the founder and publisher of The Women's Book that showcases women leaders and resources for women.

On July 28, the Columbus Chapter of the National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO Columbus) will hold its annual Visionary Award Luncheon. Each year, the luncheon celebrates central Ohio woman business owners who have achieved success with their businesses while making notable contributions to their communities, their industries and to initiatives for other women in business. A small group of finalists are recognized during the luncheon with one receiving the prestigious award.

Learn more about the event and register here.

This year's finalists include:

• Christina Getachew, founder and CEO, Substance for Fashion Conscious People, LLC
• Zoe Guirlinger, founder and president, Ultimate U Total Health
• Tonya Stalnaker-Tiggett, principal / programs director, Speak Our Language, LLC

Over the next three weeks we will introduce you to each finalist and take you inside her business to learn more about what makes each candidate an outstanding candidate for NAWBO's award.

First up is Christina Getachew.  I had the pleasure of meeting Christina over two years ago after hearing her speak at a NAWBO Columbus monthly meeting about her unique business concept.  I was intrigued by her pathway into entrepreneurship and sustainable business practices. Her business saavy and commitment to giving back to the community made her a perfect candidate to feature in the first edition of The Women's Book.

Here is a part of Christina's profile that appeared in the Book:

When you walk into Christina Getachew’s Short North retail store, Substance for Fashion Conscious People, you can tell it’s not your typical clothing establishment. There is a great selection of eye-catching clothing and accessories, but also posted signs about the environmentally friendly design of the store’s fabrics and low-waste production practices. You will also find a sewing machine station where staff designers repurpose overstocked or discontinued materials. 

Getachew’s heart has always been in fashion design. Even while studying global change at the Georgetown University Edmund A. Walsh School of Foreign Service, she spent countless hours sewing clothing in her college dorm room. After completing her degree, she moved to New York City to gain fashion industry experience.  She landed jobs that allowed her to obtain skills in buying and design and ultimately in sourcing. And she learned sampling and price negotiations during factory visits to Seoul, Hong Kong, Taipei and Istanbul. Although these experiences were invaluable, she eventually realized that she wasn't as inspired by New York’s highly charged fashion industry as she had been in her early twenties. She redirected her path by moving away from New York, and in 2002 started selling her own designs at countless trade shows across the country.  Getachew also took time to get married and start a family.

Getachew never lost sight of her dream to own her own store, and in 2006 she opened the doors to Substance for Fashion Conscious People. Every day she not only strives to make each aspect of the shopping experience unique, but she also infuses her personal vision for combining her passion for fashion with her philanthropic, environmental and other community interests.  For example, monthly in-store workshops foster creativity by giving visitors the opportunity to view and experience the art of sustainable design. And since her first sale, a percentage of every purchase has been donated to improvements in education for children.Getachew is a native of Columbia, Maryland.  She lives with her husband, Mikael and their twins, Grace and Hannah.

Since I first profiled Christina in The Women's Book, we have kept in touch and she has been an avid supporter and reader.  She even sells The Women's Book's annual directories and distributes our free seasonal magazine, Collective for Women, in her store. It has been wonderful watching her business grow and receive regular coverage in other local publications and media outlets.

I love stopping in Christina's boutique whenever I can to check out her great collection of unique clothing, accessories and one-of-a-kind creations. On my last visit, I snapped a few photos to take you inside the fabulous shopping environment she's created for her customers. In usual fashion, I caught Christina in the store arranging clothes, talking with customers and even sewing one of her signature pieces.  (The pics are below.)

Please join me in congratulating Christina on her success and recognition by NAWBO Columbus!  Visit her shop online at www.shopsubstance.com

(Caught the customer below reading our Collective for Women Magazine.  See, guys love the publication too!)

TaKeysha Sheppard Cheney is the founder, CEO & publisher of The Women's Book that spotlights women leaders and resources for women.  Learn more at www.thewomensbook.com

The United Way of Central Ohio (UWCO) Women's Leadership Council held it's annual induction of new members in partnership with DSW on Monday, June 20, 2011.  The Council combines the financial power and the collective talents of philanthropic women to address unmet needs in the community.  

The Stepping Up for Women event included testimonials from Council members and mentees, shoe give-aways, and special remarks by UWCO's President and CEO, Janet Jackson and Kelly Cook, Vice President of Customer Strategy & Engagement for DSW.  Council Mentee Brit Zaragoza gave inspirational remarks about the positive impact  of the program on her life and the inspiration and support the Council has given her in growing and starting her business, MENU by Britt (www.facebook.com/menubybritt)

To learn more about the Women's Leadership Council and how to get involved visit this link: http://www.liveunitedcentralohio.org/wlc 

View more pictures of the event here.   

Welcome to our new blog series covering special events and happenings benefiting women and girls that we have the fortune of attending each week.                                                       

Our first spotlight is on a Women on Fire gathering that took place in Columbus on May 30.  The reception was hosted by Jan Allen, leader of its Each One, Reach One initiative, and provided a diverse group of women the opportunity to meet Debbie Phillips, executive coach and founder of the organization.  Guests networked, enjoyed delicious hors d'œuvres and listened to Debbie explain why she created Women on Fire to help dynamic women connect and share inspiration, strategies and support.

View photos from the event

Learn more about Women on Fire